The Midlife Check-Up

There are challenges and opportunities that come at midlife that we often explore in counseling. But here, you will also have a chance to begin the process of our own midlife assessment with a list of questions presented at the end of the post. We call this assessment the Midlife Checkup.

Benefits of the Midlife Checkup

Taking the time to assess how your life is going at this point can result in benefits such as these:

•  It can help you identify and intensify your inner strengths.

•  You can find your own voice and express it your own way.

•  You can accept your changing physical self.

•  It is an opportunity to forgive those with whom you’ve been angry.

•  It can help you find ways to reduce stress.

•  You can learn to simplify your life.

•  You can reenergize yourself in preparation for the second half of your life..

Typical Feelings

According to Rocking the Ages authors J. Walker Smith and Ann Clurman (researchers at Yankelovich Partners) and authors like Gail Sheehy, people passing through middle age typically experience the following kinds of feelings.

Great expectations: Many begin to recognize their own limitations. Many used to believe their good luck would never end. Now that they are turning 50, many discover that there are limits to life’s possibilities.

Regret: As people reach midlife, they must face up to the loss of some of their dreams and regret the mistakes they have made. It is not easy for anyone to face the person one will never be.

Loss: At midlife, everyone has to face the loss of beauty and youth, valued by our society. In her book New Passages, author Gail Sheehy calls this experience “The Body Blues” or “The Vanity Crisis.”

Meaning: According to Sheehy, the “universal preoccupation” of the middle years is “the search for meaning in whatever we do.” As they face the fact that time is limited, the midlifers typically become even more intent on this need to analyze and search for significance.

Change: The midlife years can be a time of radical change for many people. This is the result of endless questioning and evaluation of how one has lived life thus far. Many midlife crises become mid-life meltdowns, says Sheehy, because some people react to feelings of emptiness or disillusionment by destroying everything they have built.

For most people, life at age 45 or 50 doesn’t match the dreams they had at age 20 or 30. When people reach age 45 or 50 and are even slightly disappointed by their achievements and experiences. But there is also a positive side to this. The tendency to reflect and explore can help one look for new possibilities instead of being stuck with feelings of disappointment.

Keep all of this in mind as you complete the Midlife Checkup. It is a list of 29 unfinished sentences that will help you assess your life to date. The items on this list provide a framework for conducting your own assessment. Please add your own ideas that you think will help you reflect on your life’s direction.

And, if you need help dealing with midlife issues, therapy can be very helpful in addressing the feelings that are often stirred up at this time of life.

The Midlife Checkup

  1.  My most important accomplishments are...

  2.  I am disappointed about...

  3.  I would describe the person I turned out to be as...

  4.  I want to change the following things about my self and my life...

  5.  Things I want to do before I die...

  6.  If I knew I couldn’t fail, I would...

  7.  Things I have mastered...

  8.  Things I want to keep...

  9.  I want to keep these relationships...

10.  I want to let go of these relationships...

11.  I want to keep these possessions...

            12.       I want to let go of these possessions...

13.  I want to have these experiences...

14.  I want to clean up these messes...

15.  I want to celebrate...

16.  I don’t ever again want to...

17.  My body is...

18.  My children are...

19.  My parents are...

20.  My spouse is...

21.  I want to remember...

22.  I want to forget...

23.  I must apologize to...

24.  I must seek an apology from...

25.  I am most proud of...

26.  I wish I could forget about...

27.  I wish I could do over...

28.  I wish I had never...

29.  I wish I had...

30.  Add your own items:

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